Me and humiliation

Hi there,

in my next four posts I will write about how I started being kinky and how I developed that inside me. I will start with humiliation, kink that I enjoy only for few years, then I will write about bondage, pain and fetishes in my next posts.

I already wrote about how I play alone, so I cant apply basic humiliation ideas, because there is nobody to watch, I cant feel humiliated in front of nobody but myself. So I developed ideas that perfectly suits me. I was thinking and trying a lot of humiliation things, and I still do. Im really a new into this part of bdsm because I still have a lot of ideas to push myself into.

When I first started to think about spicing up my bdsm life with some humiliation, I was thinking about things that I hate, that I dont like, my limits we can say. The very first humiliation thing I did was anal. I never liked it as an idea, and I dont like it till now. I believe that some girls can feel pleasure from anal, but not me. Anyway its a basic thing I do to myself when I want to feel humiliated.

Next idea that I use till now and that is really a strong one to me, is doing things in front of mirror. Just being tied up in front of mirror means something to me. I dont feel bad about being kinky, not that, but its a strange feeling and definitely not something I can easily get used to.

This was enough to me for a long time, but then I started to thing about more. I remember that when I was 17 I was trying my first enema or putting icecubes in my butt. I dont do icecubes anymore because during one session I used a sharp one that scratched something inside me and it wasnt nice experience.

Anyway the big revolution came when I turned 18. I started to be more daring and I wanted to try something I really hate, like I didnt enjoyed anal, but it wasnt so bad, I wanted to push myself more. I was really obssesed by ideas about putting myself in situations I was afraid of. First thing that I was trying was mess, or something disgusting in general. I was raised as a child in very clean home, my mom is cleaning whole house three times a week. I dont feel ok about drinking from anyone else glass or bottle, eating from same plate or using a public bathroom so Im really strict about sanity and using that in bdsm seems very sexy to me.

My first realy messy experience was during a rainy day. I tied my legs into a frogtie, my hands behind my back and I lied in the middle of mud. The rain was heavy so the mud was flying all around my body, head and I was pretty dirty after while. It was amazing new experience, I loved it so much. I was doing another dirty things in mud, or sand and I still do and I still love it.

Another messy thing that was hard limit to me till 18 is pissing. I was disgusted by this for whole my life until I actually tried it, and again, I felt in love with it. I dont need to pee on myself like every week, but when there is a good opportunity and mood for it, its wonderful. I started slowly by peeing thru my panties on my legs and then peeing in bath all over myself. Now I say that I like it, but not like that I enjoy peeing over myself, I enjoy the emberassement of situation, when I think about how Im lying in mud, dirty like animal, its a huge turn on.

Together with this I started to do some workout. I never was this kind of person that is going for airobic or gym but I started to be lazy about sports at my 18 and honestly I felt like getting more and more fat. I wanted to be in shape so the naked workout at home was great idea. I did that for a months, then I got lazy and had some pauses. When I discovered orgasm denial later I started to workout on schedule, because I have a rule now, when I dont workout I dont cum.

After that I started to do things in public, but secretly ofcourse, I dont have enough courage to be real life exhibitionist. I tried vibrators under my cloth, being tied under my cloth, or have clothepins on my sensitive parts. I got myself in situations where I couldnt stay the pain so I was taking off clothepins in a full bus, or I was turning off a vibe inside my panties. I have nice memories on that.

Then when I was about 19 years and half old I discovered denial and teasing. It is actually super humiliation to me, being unable to cum plus the idea that I do it to myself. I have pretty strong will so I never had a problem with that, I can even ruin my own orgasm. But I have to stay in resonable denial periods, because when I tease myself too much I usualy lost urge and the whole effect is gone. Anyway I was realy a orgasm slut back then, I remember cumming five times a day, so four days of denial was and still is something horrible to me. Even when I cum once per two days its not enough and I feel urge for most of the time. The best thing on longer denial is to be in public, feeling the wet in my panties, my pussy throbing and trying to act like nothing is happening in front of all those people.

When I started to be horny like that in public, I dared myself to try another things as well. One of the really humiliation things I did was kneeling in public bathroom and masturbating there or trying to wipe some of the water on the floor there with my tits. I tried to pee myself in public bathroom, so I have to be in public on my way home. I wear just skirt and panties back there, so my pee was just on my bare legs, but anyway.

When I was 20 and a half years old I again pushed myself with another more daring stuff. I started to do things outdoors, not in public area but in places where is possibility that someone can see or come. Being naked and tied in woods is still a huge turn on for me, its not so much humiliation tho but a fear of being seen. Same goes with my night adventures. Being naked in the middle of the night, trying to avoid cars and people is also great. Im basically using all of the things I learnt in past just not at home, or at my garden, and its really intense, sometimes too much but I dont do that really often. When I go out I plan it for long days before.

What I want to try in the near future? I want to push my limit in tasting my pussy juice and tasting my pee.
Another thing I have in my mind is to try be dirty. I will need a few days for myself, with really limitating bathroom. I will pee outside, I will be sporting and sweat myself, but dont wash and dont change clothes etc. Im really open to this fantasy last few days. I want also push my public limit, but I dont know if this happens anytime soon. I will maybe start slowly with some photos without head that I will leave in my town, or on the internet.

That would be all about humiliation, in the next post I will focus on pain.